Food Review: Java House Loaded Fries Are a Joke

Loaded fries are supposed to be hypocritical because what defines good fries is crispy outsides and soft insides, making loaded fries involves throwing wet ingredients on the fries just as melted cheese, mayo, sauces, and all that making the fries considerably soggy, beating the purpose of fries being crispy

If you had loaded fries for your first time in Java House, it’s no surprise you will hate them generally and always avoid them.

This is no surprise as it is recommended not to order any food from any cafe, (not just Java) it will be mostly mediocre or average at best, just get beverages and pastries. So if you ever think you hate any food my recommendation is to try it out at another place.

However, some restaurants do it better, they serve up fresh fries that are super crispy to make loaded fries, not like the ones that have been sitting under a heat lamp for the last hour, thus losing their crisp.

Bwibo restaurant in Lavington has some really good loaded fries, they kinda specialize in that so they are pretty good at it, if you want decent fries that is the one place I can wholeheartedly recommend.

Read Review: Bwibo Restaurant-Lavington: Photos, Menu & Review

Now let’s talk everything wrong with Java House loaded fries

Table of Contents

Pricing & Value

This plate of loaded fries at Java costs KSh 900, which seems reasonable considering the large portion size. From this standpoint alone, it appears to offer good value for money. However, as you dig in, the experience tells a different story, which will be discussed later below.

Presentation & Ingredient Proportions

The serving size of the loaded fries at Java House is enormous. However, the presentation leaves much to be desired, with the plate looking messy and the ingredients unevenly distributed, giving an impression of low effort.

The amount of cheese is sparse, squirted only on one side of the plate, specifically the right side, making it seem like an afterthought rather than an integral part of the dish. This minimal cheese application means the fries don’t really qualify as “loaded” in my opinion, as the cheese doesn’t even bind the toppings together.

There are no crispy bacon bits, but instead, kachumbari is provided for crunch—a unique addition to loaded fries. The chicken, on the other hand, is well-portioned, evenly distributed, and of decent quantity, which is the one aspect I can’t criticize. The fries themselves form the base and are plentiful, covering the entire plate.

Taste

The fries at Java House are excellent, surpassing those of 80% of fast food joints. Java House truly excels in this area, unlike many other places where fries are average and mediocre.

For instance, the worst fries I’ve had were from Big Square, while the best were from Bakers Inn, surprisingly a bakery-focused restaurant. They season their fries perfectly, making them crisp and delicious. In contrast, KFC’s fries, despite their popularity, are just average to me, with the only notable feature being their thin cuts.

Also Read : BIG Square Menu, Photos & Restaurant Review

Also Read : Baker’s Inn: The Perfect Fries and Rotisserie Chicken!

However, the chicken strips in the loaded fries are quite disappointing. They are rubbery and remind me of the erasers we used to chew on as a kindergartener. The pieces used in these loaded fries are chicken breasts, and from my little knowledge in the kitchen, I know overcooking is what makes chicken breasts rubbery.

On a positive note, the avocado is exceptional. It’s creamy, fatty, non-watery, firm yet ripe, and probably one of the best I’ve ever tasted. The texture is perfect—firm, smooth, and silky. It melts in your mouth with a deep flavor that words can hardly describe.

Thoughts?

The image above is what Java advertises and what you expect to get from their restaurants, now compare that to what we got here,

Verrrryyy cute right?

It feels like Java’s loaded fries are made from whatever ingredients they have on hand, thrown over the fries (like kachumbari), with a minimal humanly possible prescription of cheese, and then microwaved—all for a charge of 900 bob.

The serving size is large, which might seem like a good value at first glance, but you’ll likely not finish the plate, and not because you’re full.

The absence of bacon for texture is disappointing. The cheese is almost nonexistent and unevenly distributed, leaving the fries loose and unbound. I’ve never been so disappointed with an order, from presentation to taste and texture. This dish needs to be reformulated.

Even the mayo is not evenly spread. The whole plate looks hastily prepared, and everything tastes conflicting, with no homogeneity or uniformity.

Normally, I don’t have high expectations for café food, but this one truly rubbed it in.